Thriving in the Moment

By Martin Boroson


Stress is certainly an indication that you are having some kind of a problem with this moment. You are stressed because there is disharmony between you and what is happening—things are just not how you want them to be.

On one hand, it's important to respect your own feelings and needs, even if this means saying "no" to what's happening around you. If you don't pay attention to yourself, you can take on too much work, too many commitments, too much responsibility, or you can fail to set appropriate boundaries—all of which will cause you stress. So you might need to step back and unwind. Or you might need to eliminate some of the external causes of that stress.

On the other hand, resisting what is happening right now—wishing it would all slow down, speed up or just go away—can be even more stressful than going with it. In other words, stress can sometimes be a signal that it's time for you to rise to the occasion. It can be a sign that you need to develop new capacities within yourself. In other words, instead of pulling away from this moment, maybe it is time to dive in. Maybe you are all wound up because it's time to spring into action.

Life rarely unfolds in the way you plan. You can be overwhelmed by a string of setbacks—you can also be overwhelmed by a string of opportunities. But life throws challenges at you precisely when it is time for you to make radical changes, and precisely because it is the right time for you to learn something.These moments are invitations to live life from a new level, to develop new capabilities or ways of thinking or feeling.

In that spirit, whenever you feel any disjunction with what is happening right now—any desire to retreat from this moment—take a moment to consider that this moment might be perfect, just as it is. You may not like it, of course. You may think it is perfectly awful. But just consider that it might be perfect.

When you find yourself saying, "I don't have enough time," or "I don’t have enough help," or "Why does this keep happening to me?" or "If only this happened last week" or anything that suggests you are not accepting of this moment, try saying to yourself, "It's perfect just as it is."

I am not asking you to believe this. I am not asking you to put a brave face on your problems, or to smile when your heart is breaking. I am simply inviting you to assume that this moment is perfect, with all of its problems. It's a good time to do a moment of meditation. But then I want you to ask yourself, "If this moment is indeed perfect, what do I have to find within myself—what needs to change in me—in order to experience it as perfect?" In other words, in addition to it being perfect, it is a perfect opportunity.

You may not find an answer immediately, but just ask the question—because when you ask this question, you are meeting the challenge of this moment. And in meeting the moment, rather than retreating from it, you might find a whole new set of skills, a wonderful new idea, a release of tension, a brand new point of view. You are moving from resistance into flow. You are beginning to thrive.

I have seen some remarkable conversions through this exercise. I have seen people move from anxiety to joy, from denial to curiosity, from tension to relaxation, from anger to forgiveness, from depression to optimism. I have seen people shift from constant complaining to constructive engagement. I have witnessed some people simply break down and cry, releasing years of bottled pain. I have seen people move into a much more expansive and loving way of being. I have even seen entire organizations move from crisis to creativity. And it only takes a moment.

Too often meditation is seen as a way to retreat from the world—a kind of escape into a place of almost passive stillness, a place where you don't get stressed because there are no stressful things.

This is why I decided to give my book on meditation the subtitle, Stillness for People on the Go—a phrase that can be a bit jarring for those people who meditate just to slow down. But the point of this practice is not for you to stop the world, or hide from the world, in order to be peaceful. The point is for you to be more at peace in the flow of life, and to trust its intelligence.

So when you do a short meditation, please remember it is not about running away from what is happening. Even though you may withdraw temporarily from what is happening, you should return refreshed. In other words, the biggest release of stress happens by releasing the part of you that wants to run away.

You then become more honest about what is really happening right now, and more able to deal with it with a fresh mind. You become more present and awake. Through meditation, you become more and more able to respond to the constant changes of life, in the moment. You become response-able.

This is why the word "moment"—in addition to giving us the word "momentous"—also gives us the word "momentum." When you are truly in the moment—being fully yourself and able to respond to the world—and there is no stopping you.

So the next time you feel overwhelmed by what's happening, just take a moment to consider it perfect. Then ask how to get into that state of mind in which you really, really know this to be true.


Martin Boroson is a playful, practical new voice in the next wave of meditation teachers. Author of One-Moment Meditation: Stillness for People on the Go, he lectures on the benefits of a meditative mind for decision-making and leadership. Marty studied philosophy at Yale, earned an MBA from the Yale School of Management and is a formal student of Zen. Visit his website for One-Moment Meditation® help and resources, tweet him at @takeamoment or find him on Facebook. 

The Five P's of Purpose

We are born to dream. Think about it. Where would we be, who would we be, without our dreams? Most of the great inventions of the world, much of the forward movement of human civilization, have been fueled by dreams. So it should come as no surprise that for many of us, finding purpose means putting our dreams into action.

For the past seven years, I've been interviewing people who later in life have done just that. And in writing a book about the experience, I realized a dream of my own.

Analyzing what I've learned in the process and how it mightapply to people of all ages, I've come up with what I call "The Five Ps of Finding Purpose."

Last month I spoke about these five principles to a variety of groups in Botswana and discovered that they pertain to all sorts of other endeavors. They could just as easily be called "The Five P's of Becoming a True Leader" or "The Five P's of Achieving Success." Although they're not sophisticated concepts, each presents its own set of challenges.

1. Possibility. Embrace it! Almost anything is possible if we're willing to let go of our limiting ideas of ourselves. (Ah, there's the rub!) Leaders and late bloomers alike begin their journeys by envisioning a future where their dreams have taken shape. Take Susan B. Anthony, who imagined women one day having the right to vote and spent her life championing the cause. Today we have a woman who is the Speaker of the House and another who is running for President. Or consider Linda Bach, who believed it was still possible in her 40's to become a doctor. At age 50, she graduated from the University of Miami Medical School. (Note: If you want to stretch your vision, I recommend reading The Art of Possibility, a wonderful how-to book co-written by Boston Philharmonic conductor Benjamin Zander and his wife Rosamund.)

2. Presence. Pay attention! If you want to discover a passion and figure out how to pursue it, pay attention to the opportunities and signs that present themselves in the here and now. Listen to your body. (A wrenching gut is often a warning cry.) Most of us spend too much time in our heads thinking about the past and theorizing about the future. We forget to breathe in the beauty of life. In doing so, we often miss the gifts that are right in front of us.

3. Passion. Explore it! Ask yourself what gives you joy. Our passions not only lead to our purpose, they're the propellant that allows us to surmount the obstacles that inevitably come between us and our goals. There’s no better example of someone following her passion than British singer, Susan Boyle. Last year, at the age of 47, Boyle became a contestant on "Britain's Got Talent," in pursuit of her goal of becoming a professional singer. She was catapulted to fame with an electrifying performance that was viewed by over 40 million people on You Tube. Since then she’s fulfilled her goal with the release of an aptly-titled album, “I Dreamed a Dream.” It ranked number two in album sales in the U.S. in 2009.

4. Practice. Do it! Whether you long to be a marathon runner, a writer, or a political activist, the pay-off comes with practice. Here in the States we tend to think that talent trumps all. But a studyof musicians conducted by British psychologist John Sloboda suggests otherwise. To his amazement, Sloboda discovered that the performers who scored best were practicing 800 percent more than the ones at the bottom. "People have this idea that there are those who ... can get further on less effort," Sloboda says. "On average, our data refuted that."

5. Persistence. Keep at it! Most people give up on their dreams too soon. But not Ed Viesturs. Determined to climb Everest, Viesturs was forced to turn back twice just short of his goal. The third time he made it to the top, becoming the first American to summit the 14 tallest peaks in the world. You may have no desire to climb mountains; but whatever your goals are, the way to achieve them is to keep moving forward. If you're not progressing as fast as you'd like or experiencing the results you've imagined, take an honest look at yourself and re-evaluate. Everyone makes mistakes. Chances are, the more successful you are, the more you've made. (After all, you've probably taken more risks.) Learn from your blunders and move on. Detours are often part of the journey. But as Viesturs says, "There are no shortcuts to the top."

About the Author:

Prill Boyle is a self-described late bloomer. At the age of 48 she left her teaching job to write a book about late bloomers. Defying Gravity recounts the stories of 12 "ordinary" women who have done extraordinary things later in life.

Today's Small Change: AIM for Success

  

by Ellie Krieger

Set Smart Short-term and Long-term Goals

As you work your way through the Healthy Living program, you probably have a long-term goal or two in mind. Whether these goals consist of losing weight, improving your fitness level, or finding balance in your daily life (or all of the above!), it's great to know what kind of "big picture" you're aiming for. But it's also important to set smaller, short-term goals that you can strive for and achieve along the way. Accomplishing these smaller goals will help you feel rewarded for your efforts, and it can help you stay motivated over the long haul.

The key is to set smart goals that you can realistically achieve. Your goals should be Attainable, In line with your priorities, and Measurable and specific (AIM for short).

You'll want to make sure that the goals you set are attainable, or realistic. Biting off more than you can chew will just set you up for failure and disappointment. So aim to set a goal you can actually reach. When you have success with one small goal, you can look forward to setting another.

You'll also want to make sure that the goals you set are in line with your priorities. Decide, for example, whether it's more important to incorporate your physical activity into time you spend with your family (in which case a nightly walk with your children may work nicely) or to use it as time for yourself (in which case a solitary jog or yoga practice may be a better fit).
Finally, make your goals as specific as possible. Rather than just saying "I want to get in better shape," aim to be able to walk a certain distance, jog a mile at a certain speed, or swim a certain number of laps. With specific, measurable goals like these, you'll know exactly what you're aiming for — and you'll know when you've gotten there!